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Posts Tagged ‘Life’

Personal Nostalgia

In Beliefs, Cake, Dessert, Diabetic, Fruit, Japan, Pastry, Recipe on 22 October 2009 at 12:12 am

Sometimes you forget the awesome things you do. Prime example, when you create something you are very proud of and through time forget that you even did such a thing. I guess I am somewhat nostalgic tonight. I began rummaging through photos I took with my Brick of a Canon. I found a yummy pic from my past on my external hard disk drive. It was of something I made and was right proud of myself.

Since 2004 I have tried to find something to fill the gaping hole I have in my life. Granted, I do believe in God and that Jesus is His son and died for our sins. If anyone, He should be our end all be all. Without sounding like a hypocrite, I feel that since I returned to the USA from Japan that my life (more than ever) is lacking something profound. Maybe I haven’t let the Lord be lord in every area of my life. Maybe I built my very existence on all things Japanese and when the dream was over I died somewhere in my personality. It has been a complete struggle to find something to be as passionate about. My bff says I should just go back to Japan and as exciting as that sounds, I just don’t feel my place is there right now. Truth be told, I was hoping to come back to the USA, find true love and create some babies. None of that has materialized. What HAS materialized are some dark times in my life. Granted things are running MUCH smoother. I feel I am on the other side of all that chaos and I am VERY grateful for that. Except now…all I have to keep me going is photographing food that is pleasing to my eyes and trying to figure out how to reactivate my life and even get some sorta friendship circle going. I find myself in a lonely spot. For some reason I don’t click with girls as I’d like. Most of my friends are men. And as fun as that is, I feel that my femininity is not flourishing nor is it scoring me any points. Le sigh. What am I to do with myself. Read the rest of this entry »

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